Pardon me, lads, as I depart into another girly rant, but...

Scented tampons.

What. The. Hell?

Number One, my nose is about two feet north.

Number Two, if anyone has their nose Down There at that time of the month... well, they shouldn't.

Number Three... if the scent is actually THAT STRONG that other people can smell it just walking past...

Pardon me, my dear, but I couldn't help noticing... what is that delightful perfume you're wearing?

*titters* Why, it's Playtex Ultra Absorbant!

.... or is it like the New Car Smell everyone's supposedly so gaga about, that they're now finding is carcinogenic? Because, yeah, I hate being a girl right now, but I'm not sure that rotting out my girl-parts is going to fix the issue.

In other news, I have cramps, we're out of tequilla, and my partner is five states south. Which means I'm going to have to go get my own.

Bugger.

Because I'm apparently THAT out of the loop, I only just learned of the 35W bridge collapse over the Mississippi.

So - anyone who knows me, and knows I'm in Minnesota, and might've wondered... me and mine are all accounted for.

Good thoughts and comfort sent to those who were not so fortunate.

The following is a shameless plug.

Vilification Tennis will be performing at the Minnesota Fringe Festival - if you're anywhere in Minnesota, get your butts down to the Twin Cities and go see it. Their schedule can be found at the following links:

Their official website is here.

Their myspace page is here.

Their Fringe page is here.


And, because their show is just that cool, I wrote a sonnet to help promote it. You may find this odd, but a noted fringe blogger issued a poetry challenge, and BJ forwared it to me, and I thought... hell, why not. Which should tell you how much I love these people, as I am NOT a poet.

Challenge terms are here, for those who are freaky lit people.

Poem was posted here.

And, for those who are utterly sick of the copious links in this entry.... it follows as such:

And... You're Gay **

Disguised in white like brides to chapel come,
These pairs to match their savage wits in game -
Not love but hate will drive this hoodlum scum
To vilest insults trade, and win acclaim.
"Vilification Tennis will begin!"
The judge declares, and lights their balls aflame.
Much woe to those who take it on the chin;
In service to base callings "Vill"ers wring
The spunk from Yo' Mom, courting deepest sin.
And thus the racket of their insults swing
To necro-pedo-bestiality
And every other sick and twisted thing;
No holds are barred in this derang'ed spree!
Not easily offended? -- YOU WILL BE!!

** the title is an obscure reference to the stupid amount of insult some people seem to be taking over an insult that could be construed as homophobic. Considering that there are also a few insults in the Vil grab-bag that slam people for BEING homophobic, I think that's just funny.

So... I don't have a TV. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. Even so, I guess I'd forgotten just how annoying the things are. Then there I am, trying to have a nice dinner with my partner at a favored hole-in-the-wall Oriental place. They have a huge flat-screen on the wall, and it's blaring.... well, I think it was supposed to be the news.

It looked like a cross between Jerry Springer and a televangelist conference. This kind of pudgy guy going into great detail on this story

I think we can all agree that this sucks to epic proportions. But... the sensationalism made me almost as sick as the actual crime. The "reporter" going on and on about how the legal system failed and the fabric of Our Great Nation is unraveling. And - I kid you not, his exact words, complete with clasped hands and dramatically upturned face - "I just pray to God
that it wasn't the eleven-year-old that was molested!"

... what... because if it was just the 17-year-old, that makes it all okay?



I think I'll just be getting take-out from there from now on, if that's the forced entertainment. I mean, if the wait staff want to watch that kind of dreck, fine... but do it in the back room.

Food and current events should never be mixed.

I have a crappy sense of smell. I will notice scents when they're pointed out to me or if they grab me by the throat and wring the life out of me.... but otherwise I just don't navigate by it. Maybe I smell everything and just don't pay attention. Maybe it's a defense mechanism since perfumed crap gives me migraines... I dunno.

Anyway, I'm currently sick as hell. Got this sore throat and crappy cough out of NOWHERE (no one at work has it, none of my family has it, nothing...) -- and it's completely messing with my head. Wherever I go today, I smell oranges.

I'd never even really noticed what oranges smelled like before - but I think this must be it.

My partner keeps looking at me like I've lost my mind. Apparently I'm the only one who smells this.

We don't even have oranges in the house.

Weird.

Kind of a nice smell, though.