This guy has elevated playing with one's food to an artform...

Click here to witness Musical Veggies

Listed on the company "sell your crap" site:

Amish Sleep Sofa - Blue Leather

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time picturing the Amish making anything out of blue leather...

And, as an added humor bonus - fun spam email titles!

- Longer harder fiercer bangs
(Please! No! Let the 80's die!!!)

- Christian shoes
(Huh?)

So there I was, innocently adjusting the window drapes before bed. This requires standing on the mattress, as I am short.

Enter one cat.

If you're not cringing in anticipation yet, you should be.

Foot comes down, nearly on the cat. I flail at the first hint of fur, overbalancing, and in an amazing display of grace... fall off the bed.

Right on top of the thick glass lampshade that had been put there for safekeeping (of course).

I am thankful to report I did not require stitches. However, it is singularly hard to apply band-aids to one's own buttocks... especially on the left side when you're right-handed.

So please, giggle - it may be pain, but it's FUNNY pain, and SOMETHING good needs to come of this.

More gems from my junk folder....

Give her the time of your life!
(Not the time of hers?)

Big and Huge are her needs
(Yes, thank you, men have been telling women they're high maintenance since the dawn of time...)

Have a whale of a time
(Somebody's been reading too much Melville)

Bring out the T-Rex in you
(has no one here seen Jurassic Park??)

I'm getting a heroic amount of writing done, thanks to a generous muse and the vacation time to actually LISTEN to her. Even so, every couple of scenes I have to get up and stretch, throw in a load of laundry or something to give her a chance to regroup.

This break was time to check Random Seldom-Used Email Accounts. This generated some amusing spam-email titles, which I will now share.

Bed so well you can convert a lesbian
(Into what? And if a girl doesn't like the dick, why would giving them a LOT of it change her mind?)

Video of real couples having sex
(As opposed to fake ones?)

Feel the power in your pants
(Um...)

Give your pen\s a new life
(Undead pen\s?)

Grow your manliness today
(Cha-cha-cha-chia!)

Last Longer in Bed
(What if you want to use the wall?)

Spring isn't over just yet
(Since it snowed on Saturday, I'm not sure it's actually started...)

Turn it into a thing she will never forget
(There are a lot of horror movies I can't unthink, too...)

I might add others later, should they seem worthy.

Back to writing!